Operation Soulmate Page 14

  “Oh, Ben, I don’t want to lose him... Please, don’t let me lose him, Ben...Please.”

  He held her away for a second or two and looked deep into her eyes, with all the compassion he could muster. “Do you really expect me to believe anything you say now, about anything, when you don’t even know your own mind...or your own heart, Gerry?”

  Ben sighed deeply and gently stroked her hair, as she rested her head on his chest and allowed herself to melt into him again. He was so tired now, tired of all the lies and denial, tired of having to get over her...again...and again. If she seriously expected him to just carry on as normal, as if nothing had happened between them, maybe even continue coaching her into some other guys' arms, he really didn’t know at this point what he was going to do. Surely, if ever there was a time to walk away, it was now....

  Chapter 13

  Geraldine arrived at work looking and feeling a complete wreck. Thankfully, Brogan was in and on reception, and Sandra would be doing readings. She was in good company to feel safe and to just be herself.

  The second she walked in, she headed over to the spray essences and squirted a generous dose from one of the sample bottles of cleansing and uplifting spray, into her confused aura. Not completely satisfied, she made good use of the mental clarity bottle as well. She was just reaching for the serenity bottle when Brogan began to approach her.

  “Oh dear, this does not look good; what’s happened to you hon?” She asked with her characteristic directness. “Oh, my God, who did you shag?” At times like this, Geraldine wondered why she ever bothered trying to hide anything from a bunch of psychics. Brogan was trying hard not to smirk and Geraldine was beginning to look, dangerously, as if she was about to cry.

  “Obviously, someone you shouldn’t have then. Aww, hon, come into a cubicle for a minute; we need to talk.”

  As soon as they sat down, Geraldine erupted in floods of tears. “Oh Brogan, I’ve just had the best and the worst night of my life in one weekend. Oh, God! Brogan, I slept with Ben!”

  “Wow, I did not see that coming...” said Brogan, almost but not quite under her breath, but the irony was completely lost on Geraldine.

  “I know! It was just awful!”

  “What!? Ben was awful in bed? Are you sure hon. I can’t imagine that, not for a minute. I mean he’s pretty hot, hon. Can’t have been his first time if you know what I mean. And look at what he does for a living. He must know what he’s doing in that department. Musta had a few moves...?”

  “No, Brogan, that’s not what I mean,” Geraldine cut her off quickly, unwilling to revisit the high-points of the experience, even in her imagination, but for some reason, still anxious to jump to Ben’s defence. “Ben wasn’t awful, the situation was awful, the whole mess of it, the whole...”

  “Hang on a minute, I’m sorry darlin’ but I’m havin’ a hard time figuring out what the problem is here. Let me just get this straight, you slept with Ben, hot Ben who you once described as 'the most beautiful person I've ever known!' That Ben, right? The one who's totally nuts about you? You slept with him - and I’m guessing it was pretty amazing - but you feel like shit...Just fill me in a bit more...”

  Geraldine sighed. She should have predicted this lack of sensitivity from Brogan where Ben was concerned. Considering she was her friend, she seemed incredibly biased in his favour. just recently.

  “Okay, let me explain. I went on my date with Toby, and it was great. He was so, so lovely. He was amazing, Brog, just so, so,”

  “Lovely, yeah, yeah, yeah,” Jesus, Gerry could waffle.

  “And then I came home and Ben wasn’t in, and he got back on Sunday and his date had stood him up the night before, and I wanted to help him. So I started... coaching him and ...we... ended up....”

  “Shagging, yeah, yeah, yeah, cool, cool. Good plan! So what was the bad bit hon? Was it Ben? Was he a bit crap?”

  Geraldine just wasn’t getting through to Brogan at all. It was as if they were conversing in... two different languages. “NO! First of all, it wasn't a "plan". It just sort of happened. And second of all, Ben was amaaaaazing!. He was just so..... wow... I can’t describe it. He was...soooo...ugh... I mean so, soooo... I mean, really, really...” Geraldine sighed. Brogan sighed. This was hard work.

  “Okay, so Ben was wonderful, Toby was great, now you’ve got two hot guys after you... I’m having a little bit of trouble figuring out the problem, hon.”

  Geraldine was confused as well for a second, but continued bravely. “Don’t you see, Brogan, I’ve just slept with my best friend, and now I’m about to lose my best friend and mess things up with my twin flame. I mean, this thing with Ben...That wasn’t supposed to happen!!!! And now it’s just messed everything up with Toby. I don’t want to be with Ben, and he doesn’t want to be with me. It was just, kind of an accident. Ben’s not The One....” She said erupting again. Brogan rolled her eyes.

  “Okay, first of all, hon, what makes you so certain Ben’s not "the one," and secondly, how do you ‘accidentally’ get someone’s genitals engaging with yours in a significant way? I’m not sure I get that one darlin’. And thirdly, what makes you so sure this Toby guy is the one? You’ve been on one date with him, hon!!!! Look how long you’ve known Ben. What if Ben is the one? Have you ever thought about that?” Geraldine shook her head and looked sympathetically at Brogan. She just didn’t get the twin flames thing at all. She decided not to pursue the argument any further. It would only bring more confusion.

  “The thing is Brogan, what am I going to say to Toby? How am I ever going to be able to look him in the eye again, knowing what I’ve just done?”

  “Okay, this is what you’re gonna do hon, you’re gonna carry on as normal, that’s what you’re gonna do!! You’re just dating, remember, darlin’. People do silly things when they’re on the dating market, and that’s where you still are, whether you like it or not. Forget all this stuff about this Toby guy. You’re not in a committed relationship with him. You’ve been on one date with him.”

  “Why do you keep repeating that, as if one date means nothing? It’s not about the amount of time you've spent with a person; it’s about the quality of the time you've spent with them... the connection...”

  “Sorry, hon, I might be missing something here. I don't remember hearing you say he whisked you off in a hot air balloon or flew you over the grand canyon in a helicopter or took you to the opera. Just what did he do that was so earth-shattering?!” Geraldine should have known better than to expect Brogan to understand. Okay, she was possibly her closest friend - after Ben - but it was more her sense of fun and adventure that she loved her for, than her ability to empathise particularly well. Oh, of course she could also be a hopeless romantic once she actually fell for a guy, but that wasn’t where she was at that particular point in her life, not at all! And despite what she did for a living, Brogan was a dyed-in-wool pragmatist at heart, and there was just no point going into any detail with her about the depth of complication inherent in the reunion of twin flames. It was Sandra she needed to talk to today. Sandra would understand.

  “We just had a connection...you know ...we connected.” Brogan pursed her lips in frustration. There were honestly times when she just wanted to shake Geraldine. Why was she so in denial about Ben? It was ridiculous!

  “Hon,” she said, taking in a lightening-speed evaluation of the entire situation: Geraldine’s befuddled state, the fact that Sandra had called in to say she’d be late, the fact that they had a lot of bookings for the day and needed someone who was really on the ball to cover them all until Barbara arrived, the fact that the first client was due to arrive in ten minutes... “I’m putting you on reception for the morning. You can do some readings in the afternoon.. if you feel up to it; then I’ll take over from you at reception. You're in no fit state to give anyone advice about anything! You know I love ya darlin’ but, right now, I wouldn’t trust your choice of detergent. S’that okay?” Geraldine nodded pathetically. It was better than okay.
All she wanted to do at that precise moment was to hide away until she felt clearer in her mind and calmer in her soul, and until her body stopped tingling every time she thought of Ben.

  The morning was mercifully uneventful. Sandra, when she eventually arrived, was booked up all day, so there was no time to see her for a chat, and by the time Geraldine was ready to do her first reading at 2, Brogan informed her that she was also booked solidly for the rest of the afternoon.

  The phone rang at 3.45, and Brogan jumped slightly, tearing herself away from this month’s love horoscope to answer it. “Hello, Magic and Miracles, Brogan speaking, how can I help you?” She said, injecting as much sarcasm into her voice as she could get away with while still sounding polite and professional to the less nuanced listener. The day was already getting on her nerves.

  “Hi,” said a voice she recognised immediately as Ben’s confident, transatlantic drawl. Not quite so upbeat today though, she noticed. Not quite so motivational. “Can I speak to Geraldine, please?”

  “Hi Ben,” she said, in a voice that she hoped sounded neutral and uninformed about their nocturnal goings-on. “It’s Brogan! How’s it going, mate?”

  “Oh, Hi Brogan, yeah, good thanks,” he fibbed, trying (just a little too late) to sound upbeat and professional. “You?”

  “Yeah, yeah, good; you know how it is...work, work, work, play, play, play...”

  Ben was completely caught off guard by Brogan’s instant voice-recognition and effusive friendliness. He should have recognised the bright, Antipodean twang and hung up immediately. Why were all of Gerry’s friends so psychic and intuitively rabid ... Today of all days, when he’d desperately needed to feel just a little bit anonymous, why did he suddenly get a direct line, straight through to Detective Brogan’s office.

  “Sounds like a good work/life balance to me.” he said, slipping effortlessly into coaching mode, where it was safe.

  “Gerry’s doing a reading at the moment,” said Brogan, graciously letting him off the hook.

  “Ah, of course,” He relaxed slightly and finally allowed himself to exhale. He should have remembered she always turned her phone off during readings or switched it over to silent. She hadn’t been avoiding him, at all and he could have saved himself all this embarrassment if he’d just waited. “Okay, he continued. “Well, anyway, I just wanted to make sure she was okay. She wasn’t feeling great this morning.”

  “I know,” said Brogan, trying hard to remove the smile from her voice.

  “Anyway, I’d better go, I’m kind of with a client: I just slipped out to use his bathroom. That’s where I’m calling from. I shouldn’t really be making calls, right now.”

  “That’s okay, Ben, your little secret’s safe with me...” She said, stifling a giggle. Okay, that last bit had been completely unnecessary. But hey, being on reception was no fun ...in and of itself. “I’ll tell her you called.” she added, quickly collecting herself and trying to sound nice and neutral again.

  “O...kay, thanks Brogan...” Brogan thought she could almost see the twinkle in Ben’s eyes, psychically, when she’d mentioned secrets. He was just, so damn, gorgeous. Nothing could really, genuinely upset this guy. What was wrong with Geraldine? “Oh, and ...I’ll bear that in mind.” he continued. “Take care, now. By the way, I still know a guy who would be perfect for you...”

  “Okay, cheers mate, you take care too...” said Brogan, stealthily avoiding the looming fix-up. Ben smiled for the first time that day. He just had to get Brogan to meet Danny. They were like two peas in a pod.

  When Ben arrived at Danny’s place later that evening, he was still feeling very weird. He had no idea what he was going to do about the tricky situation at home. Was it fixable? Should he move out? Why did he feel as if he was splitting up with someone?

  He was looking forward to Danny’s relaxed, upbeat, no-nonsense approach. He needed it more than ever, tonight, probably even more than he needed to see Geraldine, herself,

  just yet.

  Danny opened the door to his immaculate, bachelor pad looking slightly out of breath.

  “Hey man, come in” he said, as Ben wondered in disconsolately.

  “Hey,” said Ben “Working out?”

  “Just a half an hour on the treadmill, man; you know how it is.” Danny was so driven. It was one of the things Ben really admired about him. He seemed to have boundless energy. He’d come home from a long day at the law firm, his own firm mind you, shower, throw some kind of protein-shake thing down his throat and then get straight into what he lovingly referred to as his home gym. The gym comprised a running machine, a rowing machine, endless weights in various sizes and a very suspect-looking vibrating contraption.

  Ben had no idea what it was or what it did and had, so far, never dared to ask. “Come in bro. W’ sup man?” Ben wandered into the tastefully decorated living room and slumped into his favourite, Danny’s place armchair. “Oh, let me guess, it’s gonna be a Gerry night isn’t it! Gerry, Gerry, Gerry. Okay, I’m not even gonna ask where you want to go man, I’m just gonna order a take-away, now.” He reached for his phone and began dialling.

  “Chinese alright man?” He said, riffling through a drawer in the immaculate, Japanese-inspired kitchen.

  “Cool,” said Ben, staring out across the river and the city, through seemingly endless windows, and blinking several times, for no good reason. Why did he feel as if he wanted to cry? "I'm not all that hungry."

  Danny ignored him and ordered a selection of dim sum and various dishes, carefully observing Ben intermittently, as he spoke decisively but cheerily into the phone. When he finished the call, he threw it onto one of the many white sofas, and reached into the enormous metallic refrigerator for a couple of icy beers. He opened them and handed one to Ben in silence, watching him carefully as he pensively, rubbed a finger through the cool condensation on the bottle.

  “Ok,” he said, throwing his taut, deep brown body into the chair opposite and hurling a leg over one of its arms, his glistening, well exercised skin stretching snugly over his muscular limbs, a playful smile lighting up his face and creating dimples seemingly everywhere. “Hit me. I’m all ears.” He said, reaching for the remote and deftly silencing the life-affirming salsa music that seemed to be discreetly emanating from the walls, with one hand and tidying away a copy of The Autobiography of a Yogi with the other. . Ben looked up and shook his head slowly. How could he even begin to talk about everything he was feeling, about her, about ...it .... that curious blend of deep, contented, excited satisfaction and soulful vindication or completion, mingled with deep, deep regret and uncertainty about the future of his friendship with Geraldine? “Oh, my God, you slept with her... You did the deed...!!!!!!”

  Ben tried really hard not to break into a smile but it was just too hard under the inexorable spotlight created by Danny’s unbridled jubilation. “Dude, that’s beautiful man,” Danny was struggling, now, to reconcile the incredible news with Ben’s generally sunken demeanour. “Dude, you should be ecstatic!! How long have you been taking cold showers now? Come on Ben, that’s it now, you did it? You crossed over.”

  “Yeah, I just wish it was that simple...” said Ben, taking several gulps of his beer. Danny tried to remember the bits of the story from the previous afternoon’s Geraldine intensive.

  “Toby, right?” He said, nodding sympathetically. Ben nodded along with him.

  “Dude, she’s known the guy for five minutes, they’ve been out on one date and she thinks he’s like this dating God! I don’t even think I can be her friend anymore. It’s too hard. I don’t even think she likes me anymore. She tried to blame the whole thing on me, like I set it up. And the weird thing is, it was all her, she did it all...everything. It was a classic seduction scene, she totally went for me. I was prey, man.”

  “Cooool!” Said Danny. He liked it when women knew what they wanted and went for it, and after weeks of Gerry-talk, he really liked the idea that Ben’s crazy obsession was perhaps, potentially, at lea
st, a two-way thing.

  “No, it’s not cool. It’s horrible. She wants to just pretend it never happened. Can you believe that? So now it’s back to business as usual; hapless, love-lorn Gerry and good old Ben, her trusty super-coach BFF and all round nice guy. I’m sick of it. She’s completely in denial about everything that happened, and thinks this Toby guy - this one date guy - is her soulmate! Some guy she met at some seminar and had one date with!! And the thing that really, really gets me is...wow, last night. I mean, I can’t even begin to tell you.” Danny nodded sympathetically. He could just imagine what last night had meant to Ben. “Danny, I can honestly say, with no exaggeration what...so...ever, that last night was the most incredible night of my life!! And she was right there with me every step of the way. I mean every step; you know what I mean?”

  “Yeah, I hear ya man,” said Danny, shuddering slightly from the vicarious intensity of the experience.

  “ And do you know how she described it? And wait for this.. She described it as ....a complete disaster.” Danny drew a sharp intake of breath.

  “Ooooh, man! That’s very cold man.” They sat in silence, acknowledging the chill-factor. Danny shivered slightly and Ben shook his head slowly. Somehow hearing the story out loud did absolutely nothing to help him make sense of it, or to diminish the impact of the violent rejection.

  “The thing is, Dan ...I know she’s crazy about me. I know she felt that magical thing, that... thing that happened, you know? That...indescribable...thing...But then this morning she was like this other person...”