Operation Soulmate Read online

  “Oh, we’ve been, ‘friends’ for several years now,” said Danny, seamlessly picking up his cue and carefully placing the word, ‘friends’ in finger-quotations for good measure. He turned and raised his eyebrows at Ben in a way that was meant to be suggestive but which somehow just, somehow came off as being slightly menacing. “Haven’t we Benji?” Ben looked very, very confused. Danny winked at Geraldine. He was enjoying himself immensely. Geraldine looked away quickly, and Toby sipped his beer agonisingly slowly.

  Chapter 16

  “What time does the film start, hon?” Geraldine asked, nervously.

  “Nine-thirty” said Toby amiably. “He was enjoying showing Geraldine how sociable and evolved he could be. Then out of nowhere, he seemed to have a new thought. “Oh,” he said, looking at Ben, somewhat puzzled. “Geraldine somehow gave me the impression that you’d been single for ages Ben,” he said. Yep, there it was, splatt!!

  “Huh?” said Ben, nonplussed. Danny was grinning unbearably. He raised his eyebrows at Geraldine, and his shoulder seemed to be shaking uncontrollably, even though the rest of his face was almost expressionless.

  “Gerry, honey, why on earth would you say a thing like that?” he said, slapping her arm playfully. Geraldine summoned up every ounce of will she contained and, slowly, turning to face Toby with eyes that could have cut through steel, said,

  “Toby, I really, really would like to go now, if that’s okay.” Toby jumped slightly. He’d never seen Geraldine looking so ...focused.

  “Okay sweetie, can I just finish off my beer?” he said, looking at Ben and rolling his eyes in a way that said... ‘women’. Ben laughed nervously. What on earth was going on? Why didn’t anything Toby said make any sense whatsoever? Why was Danny coming on to him? Why was Toby stuck to the pair of them like glue and what was wrong with Geraldine?

  “Actually, Toby continued dangerously...” Geraldine thought her head was going to explode.

  “I once knew a couple of guys...in college.. who were ‘friends’ for years, but they had a really relaxed attitude, you know: Carried on dating other people, but still looked out for each other, you know what I mean?” Geraldine watched as Ben’s jaw hit the floor and the sound of the penny dropping added to the general stuff-hitting-the-fan cacophony to create a rousing psychic symphony of complete madness!!

  “Wait a minute,” Ben said, pulling himself up to his full height and looking directly at Toby. I think there’s been a big misunderstanding here,” he began. “We’re not...I’m not...we’re not gay!!”

  Toby smiled knowingly. It was so sad what these poor people still had to go through.

  “I know, Ben” he said, warmly,“...It's cool man.” Ben was getting really irritated with Toby and his Toby-smugness now. He had no idea what was going on in this new and peculiar twist in the Geraldine/Toby, story but both his personal principles and his esteemed professional code demanded that he should operate at the highest level of (conscious) truth, at all times. And now that Geraldine had so dishonestly outed him, for who knew what reason, it seemed only fair that she should, now come clean and jolly well in him back again.

  “Geraldine,” He said sweetly. “Why did you tell Toby I was gay?”

  Geraldine, suddenly, felt three pairs of eyes on her. She tried not to look at Danny, just in case it made her laugh. “OH God,” She said sighing and collapsing into a chair. This was going to take some explaining.

  By the time they left for the movie, Toby was far from satisfied. Everyone else, it seemed had gained a satisfactory outcome to Geraldine’s little disclosure, except him. Geraldine had finally managed to get the whole tortuous deception off her chest, Ben was reassured that Danny didn’t fancy him and Danny got to watch the match in relative peace. Toby, on the other hand, was left wondering why, if there was absolutely nothing for him to worry about, had Geraldine felt the need to concoct this devious lie. He was suddenly not so sure about his connection with her anymore. Geraldine was deeply ashamed. Toby was deeply disappointed. Ben was deeply confused, and was wondering exactly the same thing as Toby: if there was absolutely nothing between them, why, on earth, had Geraldine felt the need to lie? It was all just so out of character and ...odd.

  At the end of the evening, Toby said nothing about arranging to meet up again; he just "left things loose". When they said goodnight, there were no attempted kisses, no awkward clinches, just a polite peck on the cheek and a very defeated-looking Toby.

  Geraldine was in no mood to see anyone when she walked in through the door. She turned her key in the lock and closed it behind her as silently as possible. There were football-ish sounds coming from the living room and she could hear Ben and Danny making sporadic football noises. She tried to tiptoe quietly past the living room and dart straight into her room, but someone must have heard her, somehow, above all the noise.

  Danny flung the door open, “Hey Benji, look who’s home.” He said, barely containing his mirth. “Hey, G, how’s it going chicka?”

  “Hi Danny,” she said, trying desperately hard not to make any unnecessary eye-contact with Ben.

  “Don’t stand out there in the hallway G!!! Come in and join us. We were just about to do our nails and listen to some Barbara Streisand, weren’t we Benji?” Ben was sitting on the edge of the sofa with his arms folded when she finally stepped into the room.

  “We need to talk,” He said. Geraldine was too tired to talk. When were all these talks going to stop happening?! She looked at him calmly.

  “Okay, before you say anything, I’m sorry. I’m really, really sorry, Ben. But I’m not even going to start discussing this now.” she said, casting a furtive glance over in Danny’s direction. “I just need to get some sleep. But I just want to say, quickly, in my defence, that I didn’t actually tell him you were gay, it was just a series of misunderstandings and fortuitous omissions, all lead by him, by the way, that just seemed to make him happy at the time....and a bit more comfortable with the idea of me flat-sharing with a guy. He was just so jealous...I had to do something to throw him off the scent. Ugh. I said I wasn’t going to talk about it now, and I’m not. Okay. So, I’m so sorry Ben, but we’ll talk tomorrow...K?” She said looking meaningfully over at Danny who had secreted himself away to a quiet corner of the room, supposedly in the name of discretion, and was flicking through an old issue of SMART MAGAZINE, but she could still see his huge shoulders shaking.

  “Night Danny,” she said, without waiting for a response. As she was leaving, she could have sworn that Ben was trying really hard to suppress a smile, and she could easily see that Danny’s shoulders were shaking even harder. He was probably crying by now.

  “Oh, yeah, yeah, night Gerry,” he called after her, through the tears. This one was obviously going to run and run.

  When she left the room, Ben briefly ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head, violently. He looked across at Danny, who was, now, also shaking his head and grinning incredulously, his eyes looking very watery.

  “See what I mean, man...totally in denial...”

  “Hang on in there, man. Hang on in there. Stay. In. The game.”

  Suddenly, Geraldine was back in the room, glaring at them both with overblown indignation. “By the way” She said, curtly, “You two should, both, be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves! Danny, your behaviour this evening has been just shocking. All that mincing and posturing and the antediluvian attitude you seem to have towards gay people, it’s appalling! I have never, in my life, in all my time giving readings to a huge cross-section of people, from all walks of life, ever seen a gay man wearing nail-polish. And as, for you Ben, you claim to be someone who understands all about relationships, but how can you really call yourself a well-rounded custodian of hearts and minds when you’re such a roaring homophobe!! You’d be lucky to have a guy like Danny interested in you! Look at him, he’s smart, successful, funny...look at his body for goodness sake...he’s a complete catch.”

  Ben tried not to look at Danny’s body. Ger
aldine was being absurd and she knew it. And how dare she question his professional acuity in this way! But it wasn’t this that really struck at the heart of him. It was something far more personal.

  “Oh! He’s the catch, is he? He’s the catch, in this situation. What about me... how am I not the catch? Danny, back me up, here. ..I’m a catch...”

  Danny shrugged and smiled smugly. Geraldine placed her hands, firmly, on her hips and almost laughed. They were both, so, ridiculous sometimes. “Guys, that’s hardly the point! Anyway, I think you both need to take a good, long, look at yourselves, after the way you’ve behaved tonight. I’m going to bed.” And with that, she turned on her heels and left them, both, to ponder.

  Ben stared hard at the floor for a minute or two. “Wow, I did not see that coming. What just happened?”

  Danny laughed and shook his head. “Man,” he said, looking bemused and bewildered. “That was truly, truly cold. I had no idea Gerry could be such a handful! Did you see what she did there? She just, totally turned ...the whole thing around, made us the villains! Antediluvian... She’s calling us dinosaurs, but that little stunt she just pulled, came out of the Ark, man! That is one tricky chick, you’ve got there, bro.”

  Ben shook his head, solemnly, “Tell me about it. She’s great, though, isn’t she?”

  “Yeah, man...she’s alright... She’s angry with you though, bro... What did you do to that woman?”

  “Huh?”

  “Oh, come on man. Everything that comes out of her mouth is practically spitting out some kind of implied smear against you. All that stuff about you not being a good custodian of hearts... and how you’d be lucky to have a boyfriend like me. Sounded to me, a bit more like... ‘You’d be lucky to have me...Geraldine... Ben... Oh, come on man, read between the lines. She’s wrestling with you...wrestling... She’s fighting you all the way.”

  Ben looked, genuinely, puzzled, for a second and shook his head in sheer, mortally-wounded, disbelief. Suddenly, it was as clear as day. On some level, Geraldine actually loathed him. Buy why? It didn’t make any sense... She was his best friend!!! Danny smiled, knowingly. “Stay in the game man. I’m telling you... Fine line between love and hate bro.”

  “It’s okay, man,” said Ben, enigmatically, “I’m over it; I’ve moved on. That ship has sailed. I might even have a little something of my own going on...”

  “Cool man, cool,” said Danny, still infuriatingly unconvinced. “Listen, dude, if it makes you feel any better...About that whole ‘catch’ thing...” He said, leaning forward in his chair, and eying Ben, sympathetically, “If...just supposing...worst, case scenario, every woman on the planet, suddenly disappeared overnight, and I honestly thought celibacy might, actually, kill me, I would definitely... think about letting you have my number. Ah-ight, man?”

  “Ahhh...man.... Thanks,” said Ben, sarcastically... “Why!!! Why did you have to take it there?!”

  “I’m just saying, man. Don’t get all uptight. I’m the catch here, remember...Just trying to make you feel good.” He said, trying hard, to suppress a smirk.

  “Well I don’t. Now I just feel....weird.” Danny laughed, uproariously, but Ben was, just, too exhausted and preoccupied to join in the fun. “Dan, don’t you have to be up early in the morning?”

  “Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, man...sure, sure. S’alright, I can take a hint.” He said, still smirking irritatingly, as he reached for his phone and keys on the coffee table. Ben stood by the living room door, still wondering why Geraldine could possibly be so angry with him. What had he done to make her so vitriolic about his unsuitability as a love-match? Surely this was worse than the neutral, BFF status to which he’d recently re-adjusted. Or was it? Was it, just, possible that her feelings for him really did run far deeper than she was prepared to admit, even to herself? So what was stopping her from letting him in? Was it the race thing. No, that wasn’t Gerry’s style. Whatever was going on, there were certainly a lot of very strong feelings flying around.

  Just as he was leaving, Danny briefly stood in the doorway and turned to face him. He smiled, sympathetically and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. “Ben, thank you for a wonderful evening,” he said, warmly, “I’ll call you...”

  “Get out!” said Ben, pointing towards the front door. “Get out before I throw you out.”

  “Geez,” said Danny, bouncing irrepressibly down the hallway, “I’m the catch here...Just makin’ you look good...”

  Chapter 17

  Geraldine didn’t expect to hear from Toby again. It was probably a bit too much to expect under the circumstances. And, if she was completely honest with herself, it wasn’t Toby’s jealously but her own guilt over what had happened with Ben that was to blame. Toby wasn’t stupid; he must have unconsciously picked up on some kind of post-cuckolding vibe between her and Ben and become suspicious about the true nature of their relationship. And who could blame him? It wasn’t really suspicion after all, it was fact. She had slept with Ben, there had been a weird, strung-out chemical vibe between them for days after, and a best friend like Ben - a heterosexual Ben - would probably make most sincere boyfriends feel slightly uneasy, even if he’d lived miles away. Maybe it was just asking too much for any read-blooded alpha male to accept the notion that a woman could actually live with Ben for any prolonged period of time and not at least think about the possibility of jumping him, at some point. It was time to move on, draw a line under the whole sordid ordeal and start again, with someone who wasn’t a part of that whole messy episode.

  The next morning, Ben was in the kitchen when she finally emerged, already showered and dressed for work. He was pouring coffee and looking bemused. That was progress, at least.

  “Gerry,” he said, handing her a cup as she sat wordlessly at the table. “I’m honestly okay with what happened last night. Really, I’m over it. I’m not thrilled about it but I’m much more curious to know why you felt the need to tell your boyfriend I was gay or, rather, I’m curious to know if you know why you did.”

  “Ben, I’ve said I’m sorry; what else do you want me to do? I really don’t want to get into another big analytical showdown just now. Anyway, he’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

  “Huh!?”

  “It’s over, I just know it is. Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. I’ve never seen a man look so disappointed.” Ben tried not to smirk, but Geraldine was just so funny, even when she didn’t mean to be. He was just about to reassure her that it was all going to be okay, when he suddenly remembered his new promise to spend a lot more time fixing himself and less time fixing her. He didn’t know what she might expect of him now regarding Operation Soulmate, in light of all these new developments with Toby, but he needed at least a few more days to himself.

  “Whatever happens, now,” he said, “I’m sure it’s going to be for the highest good of all.” Geraldine looked at him suspiciously. What was he talking about? That “highest good of all” thing sounded a bit new-agey for Ben. And he looked different. There was definitely something very different about him.

  “Okay.” she said, feeling ever-so slightly fobbed off, and then suddenly remembering she was in a hurry. “Anyway, I’d better go. Be good for me to get in early after the last couple of weeks’ goings-on. See you later hon.”

  As soon as she left, Ben went back to reading his book of twin flame success stories. The way things were going these days, with so many people reaching for higher states of consciousness, he figured it was probably just as well to get the complete higher consciousness take on love and relationships. He was sure it was only a matter of time before his first real client came along asking to be reunited with their twin flame. It was the way things seemed to be going... He tucked the free, Twin-Flame Past-life Regression CD back into the clear, plastic wallet at the front of the book... interesting stuff.

  Toby was having trouble concentrating in the staff meeting. He didn’t want to be talking about league tables and acronyms and the school-wide uniformity of lesson-pla
n pro-formas. He wanted to speak to Geraldine. Perhaps he’d been too quick to dismiss his relationship with her. Surely he had to accept some of the responsibility for what had happened, having been so suspicious about her friendship with Ben. That was clearly the only reason she’d felt the need to deceive him. It was almost funny now actually. That poor guy; no wondered he’d looked so puzzled. Toby imagined himself, Danny and Ben having a good, old, laugh about it over some beers, several years from now, when he’d, perhaps, married Geraldine and managed to get her far away from any ambiguous living situations; maybe, somewhere just outside London. She’d probably love that anyway. What was he thinking?!!!! But then again, what was Geraldine’s problem? Why had she felt it necessary to invent that ridiculous alibi, if no wrong-doing had been, or was ever going to be, committed?

  Perhaps he’d forced her into it. He’d always been a bit possessive. He blamed it on his ex-wife. Ever since she’d confessed that she was in love with the school librarian, he’d always been a bit wary in these situations. He ruefully remembered the careless way she’d told him at break time one afternoon, at the beginning of the summer term. He’d had no choice then but to hand in his resignation and move on. From that moment on, he’d proceeded to throw every ounce of his determination and passion - and even a little of his anger - into his new appointment at Stockwell Green, and, in the process, had somehow become an award-winning super-head. What would they all think, all those boards, parents and fellow-teachers, if they knew the secret obsession that had driven him to achieve such great things. In a sense, he almost wanted to thank Jackie now, for everything she’d done for his career, but until recently, he hadn’t been in a very philosophical or thankful place at all...until he’d met Geraldine.