Operation Soulmate Page 19

  “Gosh,” Said Cassia, “that sounds like a big job for a little boy.”

  “I ain’t a little boy!! Pa, says any boy who can hold a rifle ain’t a boy no more.”

  “Is that so? And does Pa say you have to shoot Injuns too, Patrick?”

  “Yep! Gotta keep ‘em off our land, don’t we? Orse they come and steal it!”

  “Okay, Patrick, I want you to move ahead in this life now, to a time when you experience something which is important to Geraldine in her life.” Geraldine felt the ground shaking beneath her as she, somehow, quickly came to terms with the fact that she was on a battle-field.

  “What’s happening?” said Cassia, remaining calm and reassuring. “Tell me what you see Patrick.”

  Geraldine struggled in the consciousness of Patrick, to make sense of the depth of feeling and the turmoil that seemed to be happening all around him. “It’s horrible,” she said, shaking violently. “I don’t want to kill nobody. My Pa makes me kill 'em Injuns, and I don’t wanna kill ‘em. They ain’t done nothin’ wrong. Pa says they’re the enemy, but I don’t believe ‘im.” Patrick began sobbing softly.

  “Patrick... Did you used to believe him, Patrick?”

  “Sure I did... When I was jus a l’il kid an’ din, know no better!! But I ain’t a kid more, am I?”

  Cassia’s instincts picked up on a softening in Patrick's voice, and sensed another story beneath Patrick’s latter-day epiphany.

  “Patrick, do you know any of these people, the ones you’re being told to kill?”

  Geraldine, as Patrick, felt herself going hot, and she knew that he was blushing, deeply.

  “Yeah,” he said, “But I ain’t supposed to tell nobody. I can’t... just my best friend, Josh. Pa says white folks and Injuns don’t mix. It’s wrong. The Bible says so.

  “I see... That’s very sad, Patrick.”

  Patrick smiled, sadly. It felt nice, being understood.

  “Okay, Patrick, I want you to go ahead in this lifetime, to a much happier time. Where are you now?”

  “Over at Josh’s house. We’re makin’ up a plan to go and get Jaybird Song and run away with her. We’re gonna elope at sunrise...”

  “Is that the woman you’re in love with, the one who makes you want to protect the Indians?”

  Patrick smiled, “Yeah,” he said, shyly, “She’s beautiful. She understands me better than anyone in the whole world... ‘cept Josh. We’re gonna run away, somewhere far away from here, and I’m gonna make her my wife.”

  “That sounds lovely, Patrick. Patrick... can you see Josh now?”

  “Yeah, I can see Josh." Patrick said, blushing ferociously now. "Oh Jiminy! I love Josh so much. I wish it could be just me and Josh... all the time, but Pa says that ain’t right, neither; It ain’t natural. Pa says it's in the Bible too.”

  “I see... That’s very sad, as well, Patrick." Patrick shrugged and looked very sad. "Oh Patrick, I want you to take a really good look at Josh now. Look deep into his eyes and tell me if he looks like anyone Geraldine would know in this life-time. Geraldine felt the tears welling up in her eyes as she suddenly looked closely at Cowboy Josh, and saw the deeply compassionate, twinkly eyes of Ben shining back at her. She let the tears fall copiously as Cassia gently soothed her back into the Great Plains.

  “Okay, Patrick, that’s really beautiful? Thank you so much for sharing that with me. Patrick, can you move ahead in time now and see what happens ... when you go to collect Jaybird Song?”

  “Geraldine’s breathing began to quicken, as she sat shaking, gasping and sobbing loudly. “It’s horrible.” She said, “It’s so, so... awful.” The last word sent a chill through Cassia, as she sat there listening, poised between various dimensions of human suffering and sorrow.

  “Tell me what’s happening,” she said, as Geraldine/Patrick sobbed almost uncontrollably.

  “I’ve gone to Jaybird’s village and... it’s been massacred. All that’s left standin’ is a single tepee. Oh, God, It’s so...merciless!! Dyin’ children and people cryin’ all over ‘em....and the blood; the endless, endless blood. I can see Jaybird, cryin’ over her baby brother. We were gonna take him with us but he’s dead now.” Geraldine shuddered as Patrick took in the full scale of what had happened. “Oh, God....” Geraldine, suddenly, froze, as if she’d seen something terrifying and painfully sad. She struggled to contain her feelings and to allow Patrick to get the words out. Cassia leaned forward in her chair. She could feel that something monumentally important was taking place...

  “Can you tell me what you just saw, Patrick?” Geraldine shuddered again.

  “I...It’s Jaybird...her eyes, they’re so....cold. They remind me of something but I’m not sure....” Patrick seemed to stop himself from speaking as if some new horror he was witnessing was just too dire to give a name and a voice to. “Oh, God....She’s lookin’ at me with such ....hatred. It’s all too much to bear. I can’t bear it. She blames me for it. She’s says she can never forgive me. I’ve dishonoured her as a woman and destroyed her people. She dun’t know I ain’t had nothin’ to do with it. She won’t listen to me. She won’t listen...Oh God, Oh God... I tried to stop ‘em...Oh God, she’s bleeding!! Oh, no! She’s been shot. Oh no, oh no, Jaybird. ...She needs help but she won’t let me help 'er. She’s saying she can never, ever forgive me for what I’ve done... Oh God!” Geraldine was in agony on all levels of her being as she lay there, clutching her stomach and weeping helplessly.

  “Okay,” said Cassia, “I know his is really hard for you, Patrick, but, this seems really powerful.... You said that there was something familiar about Jaybird’s eyes and the way she was looking at you. Do you think you can look into those eyes? It might help Geraldine...”

  Patrick nodded and Geraldine inhaled deeply, the breath shuddering through her like an unfamiliar presence suddenly finding itself introduced to her slightly unwelcoming body. She tried to steady herself, as Patrick looked deep into the eyes of the woman he loved and who now so deeply reviled him. “Oh my God,” she said, flooded with new remorse and sudden realisation, of the sad truth and, perhaps, the very crux of the entire experience.

  “It’s Andrew...”

  “Ah...” said Cassia. “Thank you, Patrick. Thank you. Okay... Patrick, I want you to just go forward to the end of that life now and tell me how it concludes.”

  Geraldine felt herself growing cold, as Patrick, carefully placed the thick rope around a high branch of a tall oak tree, standing on a stool he had carefully crafted himself. She described the scene to Cassia.

  “Tell me what you’re thinking now, Patrick”

  “I deserve to die. I don’t deserve to be loved by anybody. I can’t love anybody ‘cause all the love inside me, died that day. I’m just a hollow shell. I can never make Jaybird understand, unless I suffer now...to prove my love....A life for a life...”

  Cassia sighed, deeply. In all her years as a past-life therapist, she had never ceased to be amazed at the scale of a human being’s capacity for love...and for self-punishment.

  Geraldine was blissfully spared from the final moments of death, as Cassia’s voice skilfully redirected her out of the body. But she was soon aware of Patrick’s soul wandering around the site of what had previously been Jaybird’s village.

  “Can you see Patrick, any way that Geraldine might be letting these old, old feelings of guilt and remorse affect her ability to be happy in her present, new life?” Patrick nodded, solemnly.

  “And can you see how none of this was really your fault...or hers? Can you understand how this was all just a very, very unfortunate and cruel set of circumstances?”

  Patrick nodded again and Geraldine’s lips twitched slightly. “But I didn’t do nothin’ to stop it...I should have stopped it. I shouldn’t have killed all them people... I was young...I just didn’t know...”

  “That’s right Patrick, you didn’t know. You just did what Pa told you to do, didn’t you?” Geraldine nodded, slowly. “Yes, that’s right Patrick.
You did what you thought you were supposed to do. And I can tell that you are deeply, deeply sorry now, for everything bad that happened in that lifetime. Maybe.... Patrick...it’s time to stop punishing yourself now...You learned a lot in that life didn’t you, Patrick?”

  Geraldine nodded, again and sighed. “And now Geraldine is a beautiful person, because of what you learned...about how to respect life and treat all people fairly and without judgement. Do you think you can forgive yourself now, and allow Geraldine to let go of this guilt and this pain you’re feeling? Take your time to think about it. Make your peace with that lifetime....and just let me know when you feel ready to let go of this pain...Perhaps, you could just nod...”

  A long silence followed in which Geraldine sniffed occasionally, and wrestled with her conscience. Patrick wrestled with his feelings towards Jaybird, Geraldine wrestled with her feelings towards Andrew, and a multitude of other guilts, pains and sorrows amalgamated and hurled themselves around inside her mind. Eventually, she began to feel at peace, as Patrick’s tortured soul finally left its haunting ground and went hurtling towards the light. Cassia sensed the change in Geraldine’s energy and saw her face slowly becoming much more peaceful and relaxed. Geraldine nodded minutely.

  “Thank you Patrick. Geraldine... in a minute, I’m going to ask you to come back into the room as you are... as Geraldine... in your present incarnation. When you come back to full consciousness, your unconscious mind will have processed everything you have remembered in new ways, ways which are positive and affirming to you in this lifetime, this wonderful lifetime in which you are this truly successful, contented, openhearted and remorseless individual. Or, perhaps you are a newer version of Geraldine, one who can effortlessly integrate all of these learnings from the past, and go on to create beautiful, fulfilling relationships.

  In a minute, I’m going to count from one to five, and when I get to five, you will awaken and come back into the room feeling relaxed, fully alert, rejuvenated and ready to continue your day.”

  When Geraldine opened her eyes, Cassia was watching her closely and smiling sympathetically. Geraldine shuddered slightly as her consciousness fully re-entered the room.

  “Geraldine,” said Cassia, quietly, “I’m open to discussing your regression with you, but what you just experienced felt very powerful. You did some very deep work, today, and my sense is that you might want to process this quietly, alone.”

  Geraldine nodded, feeling slightly shell-shocked by the depth and intensity of what had just taken place. “I’d really encourage you to just sit with those feelings a while. Don’t try to analyse them. Just stay in your heart; be gentle with yourself for the rest of the day... Do things that make you feel really good, really loved and happy. Pamper yourself. I’ll see you next week. In the mean time, please feel free to call me if you have any questions or concerns.”

  Geraldine wanted to hug Cassia. Did she have any idea just how powerful the session had been, or just how much it had really meant to her? Cassia looked as if she simply took everything in her stride, Buddha-like, serene and without ego attachment to any particular outcome. Geraldine shook her head in disbelief and wandered towards the door, pensively.

  Cassia held the door open for her and stood looking at her for a moment, her penetrating gaze searching her face for signs that she was truly ready to face the outside world again.

  “That was excellent work, Geraldine. You should be really pleased with yourself...” Geraldine thanked her and drifted towards the reception desk to book her next appointment.

  Chapter 19

  On the way home from her first session, Geraldine felt exhausted and elated, but, most of all, she felt strangely compassionate towards Andrew and even more appreciative of her friendship with Ben. She could easily imagine that somewhere neatly tucked into every story from her past, he had been there as a dear and trusted friend. In fact, it made perfect sense that Ben had probably always been her best friend... It just felt right!

  When she arrived home, she ignored the temptation to look at her calendar and count the days to her birthday. The process she had begun that day suddenly made everything else pale into insignificance. What did it all mean, anyway, when she’d probably turned thirty a thousand times, in several eras in which, what to do about the prospect of turning thirty, had probably been as insignificant as choosing whether to use a bow and arrow, a rifle, or a bomb to end it all for someone else in a heartbeat. Now that she thought about it, she doubted that Patrick had even been lucky enough to have reached thirty, and she began to see the approaching birthday for the blessing it truly was.

  She decided to put her birthday out of her mind completely. The pursuit of truth was, surely, far more important than any of the numbers on any calendar. Time was meaningless, she could see that now. The quality of her life couldn’t be determined by some spurious arbiter of time when there was all of eternity to consider. Life wasn’t about time. Time didn’t come into it. Life, however short or long, was really just a series of choices about whether to let the past dominate you forever or to just tell the past to go screw itself, and end the prolonged, self-inflicted suffering - which often undermines the otherwise, noble, joyful and fearless - by letting yourself off the hook, or, in this case, the noose!

  She thought back to her first meeting with Andrew. It had seemed so fated somehow. They’d been inexplicably, and almost magnetically drawn together from the very first moment they’d met. She had, of course, assumed it must be because he was her twin flame, and she’d known for certain that they’d, at the very least, been together before in a previous incarnation. Geraldine laughed hollowly as she remembered that feeling of instant connection. She had correctly surmised that they had been drawn together by an old and possibly previously frustrated passion. But it had never occurred to her that they might also have been bound together by an ‘ancient grudge’ and an unquenchable rage on Andrew’s part. And then there was Ben, lovely, lovely, lovely Ben. The most beautiful soul she’d ever had the good fortune to meet, destined to be her loyal and trusted friend, across the time/space continuum. There was no doubt that he would make someone a wonderful husband some day. And there was also no doubt in her mind that he should be free to pursue his own happiness. Even if the closest she got to having a boyfriend at her birthday party was settling for a pizza and DVD night, with her closest friends, and maybe inviting Carl along.

  As she lay soaking in the tub, she heard the lock turning in the door and the familiar clatter of Ben’s keys being thrown playfully onto the kitchen table. Everything about him was just so playful and gorgeous. She listened carefully for the sound of him closing the door to the office. When she emerged from the bath, she could hear him speaking to someone on the phone. He was speaking in hushed tones and laughing intermittently. He seemed to be doing a lot of that just lately, lovely Ben. She waited until he’d finished speaking and then sheepishly put her head around the door. She felt strangely shy in front of him suddenly. It was one thing knowing that he knew absolutely everything there was to know about her relationship history in this lifetime, but suddenly, the notion that he might know, albeit unconsciously, everything about her across all directions of time and space was slightly overwhelming, to say the least.

  “Hey,” she said, “How’s it going?”

  “Hey honey, it’s good thanks” Ben proceeded to tell her all about his latest triumph with Miss X and shared with her, some of the highlights from his latest radio interview, as she stood watching him with new eyes. She almost wanted to cry, again, just thinking about what a wonderful friend he was, what a wonderful friend he’d obviously always been. She walked up to him hugged him mid-sentence, gripping him so tightly he could feel her small wrist bones digging into his ribs slightly. He pulled away and looked at her.

  “Hey, what’s all this?” he said, searching her face for clues.

  “Oh, Ben,” she said, smiling beatifically into his perplexed face. “You are such a beautiful, beautiful friend to me.
”

  Ben smiled and shook his head. Geraldine was so surprising, even after all this time. Okay, at this particular moment she was bordering on the slightly overemotional, but she never ceased to amaze him. There was always so much going on with her, and most of it went on beneath the surface. So far beneath the surface, in fact, that it was usually deeply mysterious, even to him. She was a mental smorgasbord of fascinating emotional and esoteric possibilities, but the weirdest thing of all was that when you scratched the surface and got into some of those wildly imaginative possibilities, they all seemed to hang together with an alarming consistency and make a peculiar kind of uncommon sense.

  “You are to me too, Hon,” he said, rubbing her arm gently. “But I’ve really got to get ahead with this SMART MAGAZINE deadline. You understand, don’t you?” Geraldine smiled agreeably and tiptoed out to the living room, leaving a slightly bewildered Ben to continue with his work. When would be a good time to tell him all about her new discoveries? He just seemed so busy these days.

  Geraldine was restless. She wanted to share her new-found wisdom with someone. She decided to call Andrew and put the whole, sorry mess behind them once and for all. After all, if she was intending that she should operate at the highest level of truth and love in order to attract someone who was able to match that frequency, she would have to start right here, right now, by making peace with the past, on all levels.

  She was amazed and slightly irritated to find that she still had Andrew’s number memorised, after all this time. She pressed the buttons, carefully, and with a slightly wobbly finger. Andrew picked up the phone after just two rings. “Hello,” He said optimistically. Geraldine was thrown by the effect of hearing his hail-fellow-well-met-ish greeting, and for a minute she was caught up, again, in all the old hurt. How dare he sound so cheerful after everything he’d put her through? But she knew that this was exactly the kind of thinking that had to stop if they were ever to end the cycle of reproach, resentment and revenge. So what if he was happy. Why shouldn’t he be? In fact, if he had truly found happiness, it was a good thing! It would probably mean that perhaps he’d also found some peace, some insights and maybe some healing. It would mean that Jaybird had finally let go of her pain and anger and allowed a fresh, new paradigm to come into Andrew’s consciousness, and change his beliefs about love and life forever. And surely, in the end, that would be better for everyone. Better for him, better for her, better for whoever Pa had been in that life, better for Josh, maybe even better for Andrew’s entire family in this life, now...and her family and Ben’s and Pa’s. Maybe even the entire family of the Native American soul and the soul of America. In fact, she was beginning to quite conceivably see how Andrew’s letting go of all that old, embittered hurt could have a massive, ripple effect on the entire consciousness of humanity, so deep was it’s reach into his soul.