Operation Soulmate Page 11

  “Not really,” he said. She could feel him clamming up again. It was getting to be a bit annoying not being able to get him to talk freely about his love-life anymore. Perhaps he didn’t want to show that side of himself to her now that he was coaching her. Maybe he wanted to set a good example. Maybe it was something to do with his stupid, professional code. She suddenly wanted to shake him vigorously but had no idea why... It was weird.

  “So how are things going with that mysterious woman you keep bringing home? Two dates in one week...sounds promising.” She stared at him pointedly, daring him to wriggle out of such a direct enquiry!

  “Yeah, it’s good...I think,” he said smiling shyly and looking slightly uncomfortable. Gerry shook her head and smiled. He was so good at what he did, so in charge and on top of things, it was such a contrast seeing the way could sometimes be in relationships, so shy and unsure of himself. It was adorable, really. “Bit too soon to say for sure....” Geraldine didin't know how much longer she could she just watch him suffer like this? How could she leave him wandering around aimlessly, in this relationship desert, when he’d done so much to help her? It was just, plain, wrong.

  “Did I imagine it,” she continued, “or did I hear you coaching her the other night?” Ben sighed, his face breaking into a frown and his shoulders dropping ever-so-slightly.

  “OH BEN!!! You’re hopeless! I thought you said you weren’t going to do that anymore. Ugh! Next she’ll be asking you to water her plants, while she goes on a weekend break with some ...sleaze, who doesn’t do coaching, or plant-watering for that matter. Stop being so NICE!!! Let them get to know you first, YOU, BEN the gorgeous guy, not Ben who fixes everything and everyone in sight.” Ben said nothing for a worryingly long time, as they drove the rest of the way home in silence. She let the silence in; she could tell he was thinking about what she’d said...wrestling with it. When they finally arrived home, he turned to her and said, quietly,

  “The thing is, Gerry, coaching is not just what I do, it’s who I am, and I just don’t know any other way to be. I can’t stand to see people in pain.” He paused before speaking again. He wasn’t sure he really believed what he’d just said.

  “Is it that Ben,” she said sympathetically, “or is it just that you don’t think you’re worth loving for any other reason?” Ben sighed and sat thinking about it for a second or two, searching his heart and soul for the answer. “It’s both,” He said. “I can’t stand to see people in pain, and they sense that. So they come to me to get them out of pain. And then, when they’re not in pain anymore, they leave. So I suppose, maybe on some level, I always expect people to loose interest in me if I’m not... helping them in some way. Ugh, I don’t know...”

  Geraldine smiled, sadly, as she took in his gentle, almost Angelic face, his dark and sensitive eyes, his Divine intelligence, immaculate dress-sense and infinitely loveable presence. “Ben, how could anyone lose interest in you? You’re the most smart, funny, gorgeous and kind ...and ...fascinating man I’ve ever met. Why don’t you trust that?” Ben was slightly taken-aback by Geraldine’s sudden, heart-warming and absurdly arousing appraisal of him. What did it mean?! Why the heck couldn’t she just, “trust that?!” And what was he, even, thinking! What was going on?! What did any of it mean? It suddenly occurred to him that they were both completely full of crap, but he allowed that thought to drift away as quickly as it had arrived.

  “Okay, I’m going to use one of your own clever little NLP phrases on you and tell you right now that you are running a pattern, my friend.” She continued. “And until you stop doing it, you’ll get the same old stuff happening, over and over again. But you know that, don’t you?!!” Ben laughed hollowly. She was a fine one to talk. Even he could see how Geraldine fell into exactly the same trap, time after time, with the men in her life. It didn’t matter what she was working on, what was happening for her, what difficulties she was going through or how many people were making demands on her time, she always seemed to have endless amounts of time for everyone....everyone but herself. And he hadn’t seen her doing any of the belief-change exercises he’d so carefully prepared.

  “Gerry, you really don’t have to do this. I’ll work it out with my coach tomorrow.”

  Wow, Ben had a coach!! What on earth happened in those sessions! It was so great that Ben had someone helping him to wade through some of his dysfunctions and distinctions. But he was still her friend, and of course she had to help him if she thought she could in some way. How ironic, that the person she wanted to help the most in the whole world was being too proud or too stubborn or too...whatever... to let her.

  “Ben, would you agree that I am, probably, the person who knows you better than anyone else in the world right now?” She said, looking straight into his world-weary eyes.

  “Probably,” he shrugged.

  “And would you agree that you have helped me, enormously, over the past couple of weeks?”

  “Well, I certainly hope so,” he said grinning, “Although I’m not altogether sure I’m getting the message across...about the whole multiple-dating thing...”

  “So then please, please,” She said, imploring him with every inch of her being, “In my capacity as a woman, and as an intuitive, let me help you!!!!” Ben smiled his twinkly, beautiful smile and put his head to one side as he took in her pleading face.

  He realised that he’d be breaking the habit of a lifetime by allowing someone he wasn’t paying handsomely, to help him with anything. And suddenly, perhaps for the first time ever, even the thought of it felt good. Perhaps a leopard could change its spots. And, after all, everything he believed in, spoke about, wrote books about and had studied, hungrily over the years was based on a deeply held premise that change: infinite, life-affirming, lasting change was possible for every, living, human soul, no matter where they’d been or what they’d done in the past. Now it was time for him to start walking the talk and living it.

  "Okay,” he said. “Fair’s fair, I suppose.” Geraldine beamed at him. She already had the beginnings of a plan forming in her mind.

  “Great! Look out for your coaching file tomorrow.” She said, laughing triumphantly as Ben locked his car and they entered their cosy retreat.

  She was just about to head off to the bathroom, to get ready for bed when something struck so deeply at the core of her that she, just, had to say it. All evening, it had been slowly creeping up on her in the form of a growing realisation of something she’d perhaps always felt, but had somehow never expressed before. And now suddenly she had no choice but to express it, perhaps just when it was needed most... She stopped in the hallway and turned to see Ben’s striking face, deep in contemplation.

  “Love you...” She said, smiling reassuringly. Ben almost smiled back, but then a moment of confusion followed, and finally, he somehow managed to look sadder than she’d ever seen him look before. Her first impulse was to hug him tightly, but she had the strangest feeling this would just make things worse. Ben must have been hurt, so, so badly by love, in the past. It was almost unbearable to watch. How ironic that he should now devote his entire life to creating endless opportunities for everyone else to experience so much love. He was the classic, wounded healer. Pure textbook. Geraldine decided she’d work all night on his pattern-breaking file if she had to. That way he’d have plenty to think about tomorrow while his pattern and his hastily made promise to let her help him, were still fresh in his mind.

  The next morning, when Ben finally emerged from an unusually, deep, sleep and a ridiculously late lie-in, Geraldine had already left for work.

  “Well that’s a first,” he muttered to himself. He must have just missed her. She’d even made coffee and done the washing-up; it was a complete role-reversal. He reached over for a cup and, at the same time, grabbed the colourful folder, which suddenly caught his attention. It was just lying there on the kitchen table; a purple, cardboard, display-pack, decorated with brightly coloured fairies and serene-looking Angels. He smiled and look
ed closer to see what was hand-written on it, in gold ink. He rubbed his eyes a couple of times to slowly reveal the words.

  Ben’s Pattern-Interrupting Love-Zone File

  “Oh, no” He couldn’t help smiling as he opened it slowly and to reveal the first page:

  To the Love-Zone and Beyond!

  Ben’s studiously-contrived guy-rules for getting (and staying) out of the Friend-zone

  Do not discuss your work with prospective girlfriends for more that 5mins during dates 1, 2 or 3. If you must discuss it, briefly, during the allotted five minutes you should simply be issuing a series of stock, passing remarks. Remember, dating is about finding out all about a person and not all about their work. If the subject comes up too often, have one stock phrase ready that you can use as often as necessary to redirect the conversation onto more date-friendly topics. For example: Yes, I love my work, but it’s really nice to leave it behind at the end of the day. Do you know what I mean? Wait for a response...

  Do not listen to endless conversations about exes or poor relationship patterns. This will only tempt you into coaching. Remember, you’re looking for someone who does not need fixing up before they can become your dream-girl. Look for someone who is ready.

  Do not agree to any daytime dates. Remember: a daytime date is just the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Therefore, meeting for a quick coffee, shopping, checking the libraries and bookshops for the latest self-help books, are all activities made for friends. She will see you as a friend if you do these things with her within the first 6 dates. Go to dinner, take her dancing, to the cinema, the theatre or anything else artsy and/or romantic. Open doors, pull out chairs, and generally be a man..

  ...but not a handy-man. Do not offer to fix things: broken taps/cars/squeaky door hinges/career issues/relationships with siblings, colleagues or parents, until you have been going steady for at least a month. Obviously if you’re staying over at her place and she has a burst pipe, be a gentleman and help out but do not respond to midnight “I didn’t know who else to call” calls when you don’t even know her middle name yet. This will place you very quickly and securely into the friend zone.

  Do not mention your ex-wife

  If you are forced to mention your ex-wife, keep it light and move the conversation on quickly

  Do not talk about any of your exes in any detail

  Refuse to listen to any moaning. Remember that you don’t likelistening to moaning, so you will be tempted to endlessly advise someone who whines incessantly, in order to get a positive outcome, also known as...COACHING! Everyone deserves a second chance, however and one whinge does no a whiner make. Your date might have had a bad day (or just turned thirty ). Try a second date but give habitual moaners a wide berth.

  Do not rush into becoming physically intimate, but show that your intentions are romantic by your choice of dates and by making an effort to dress nice/smell nice/be nice. (These usually come naturally to you anyway). Never dress down on a date in an attempt to be cool. You’ll look like her bored younger brother and a definite, friend-zone-dweller

  Call when you say you will. Do not play games; it will make you look childish, insecure and untrustworthy. Believe it or not, there are still some very shy women who just don’t feel comfortable calling men. However, do not call regularly about mundane things or to discuss what sort of day you’re having until things get very serious. It’s boring, friend-ish and decidedly lacking in the magical and mysterious element needed to ignite and keep alight, the romantic flame that’s so commonplace among inhabitants of the love-zone.

  Refuse to discuss the following topics with her until you are married:

  The price of waxing strips

  Periods

  Tights shades

  Nail polish shades (She will want you to, but you must refuse!).

  Do not go to the hairdresser with her; Tell her want to be surprised.

  Do not let her catch you reading women’s magazines and try to get you into gossipy conversations about them.

  Get that first kiss no later than the second date, preferably the first. She won’t think you’re pushy, as long as you don’t try to go any further. Say goodnight politely but make sure the kissing makes your feelings and future intentions very clear!

  But do not respond to booty calls. Stay in your home, stay in your heart.

  Remember how gorgeous you are

  “Wow!” Ben picked up the file and walked slowly into the living room, reading as he went. He sat down at the coffee-table and carefully re-read it three times. Geraldine had surprised him, once again. Okay, it was a bit formulaic for her, and had obviously been written with careful consideration of his usual approach, but what really astounded him was that she completely understood his relationship dynamics, she totally got it. She knew, absolutely, why women saw him the way they did, treated him the way they did, responded to him in the strange ways they did. How did she know all this and how on earth did she know him so well? It was as if she’d reached into his brain, no ...into his soul, and found the very essence of what was troubling him, only to serve it back up to him in a few perfect pattern-interrupting assertions that could change his life almost overnight! Suddenly the mystery of his troubled love-life, the puzzle he had wrestled to unscramble for years, was now revealed to him in minutes. Ben had an epiphany, right there and then, and sat, for the rest of the morning re-reading and trying to memorise some of the finer points of his intuitive coaching plan, like a script. But there was something else he was searching for, some undefined thing that, for a while, remained stubbornly unconscious...a secret code, a clue...It was on the tip of his mind..

  Purely on animal instinct, he found himself reading and rereading Geraldine’s insights, again and again...certain that what he was looking for was sure to eventually emerge from her incisive analysis, if he just put himself into an alpha state and kept allowing the words to gently wash over him. Then a thought suddenly struck him. How horribly ironic that she knew, in principle, absolutely just what to say to get him out of pain, in every other way but the way he really wanted her to. That pain would never end, until she finally began to see him as a man. Even last night, when she’d, at long last, uttered those three exquisite words, she’d said them in completely the wrong way. It was as if there was a peculiar veil hanging somewhere between her and everything she ever said to him...or felt for him.

  Ben finally admitted to himself that he was hopelessly in love with Geraldine, and that ‘hopelessly’ was absolutely the operative word. And even though her terrifyingly astute work had completely solved his problem and shown him where he was going wrong with all of the other women in his life, it had also shown him, quite blatantly, exactly why she would only ever see him as a friend. The list might as well have been called:

  Ben, this is why I will never love you in the way you want me to.

  It was time to move on, but to really move on now, not just to pretend anymore. Ben closed the file and carefully removed the photo of Geraldine from his wallet with a sigh, walking purposefully over to the waste-paper basket. Then quickly had a change of heart, carefully replaced it, and went to put the kettle on instead... After all, she was still his best friend...

  Who didn’t have a best-friend photo in their wallet?

  Chapter 10

  Saturday came around mercifully quickly and found Geraldine feeling distinctly jittery. Why was dating so little fun when it really came down to it? Yes, she was still excited about seeing Toby again, but there was just too much general jumpiness in the air for her to really enjoy the process of getting ready.

  What could she wear that would not send the wrong message or be too tight to be comfy or too comfy to be sexy ...in flattering colours ....but not reveal sweaty arm-pits.... feminine and mature without being too serious or too aging...or reactionary? Then there was the make-up. How much was too much to be in good taste and non-scary ....and too little to be pretty. How little was so little as to be slightly off-hand and how much was
too much to be appropriate? Then there were the shoes. How high was too high to allow her to feel genuinely at ease, how low was too low to be hot, how flat was too flat to be date-like and how high was so high it made her too nervous or too tall? Ugh. It was all just too much to ask. She imagined Toby casually throwing on a shirt and jacket, probably with the shoes he wore every day for work, and having plenty of stress-free time on his hands to really enjoy the whole dating experience. She suddenly felt slightly annoyed with him.

  At least he’d be coming to pick her up, and that would at least remove some of the general shoe anxiety, in the sense that she could wear a pair that was reasonably high without having to negotiate the late-night underground in them at the end of the evening. Toby was a gentleman and well worth making every bit of the extra effort for. He was taking her to dinner at one of his favourite restaurants, in town, and then on to see a critically acclaimed production of Othello, which was enjoying a short run at the Trafalgar Studios. He arrived at 6.00 pm precisely, as promised, and Ben answered the door.

  Ben had been behaving very strangely since he’d received part one of his coaching plan. At first he’d seemed really impressed and excited about the change it was certain to bring into his unhappy romantic life, and then slowly, in the days that followed, he’d become uncharacteristically morose and slightly withdrawn. Nothing anyone else would notice, of course, but she knew there was something wrong. However, when he answered the door to Toby, he was back to his old self as he welcomed him into the hallway.

  “Hi,” he said, amiably. “Toby, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, Hi...” said Toby, looking more than a little confused. Geraldine, rushed into the hallway, wearing a dark blue, heavy silk, just above the knee, A-line skirt and a turquoise and peach silk camisole, with a thin, black cardigan and moderately high, navy suede court-shoes with block heels and an ankle strap. Ben blushed uncontrollably when he saw her, and tried to focus on the delicate turquoise pendant around her neck, rather than make eye-contact with her.