Operation Soulmate Read online

  When she finally arrived home that night, the flat was extremely quiet and there was no sign of Ben. She was so tired after the high-energy antics of the previous day that for a minute or two she couldn’t even remember what day it was. She glanced at the wall calendar, and was almost amazed to see that it was still Monday. Ben’s karate night. Tonight was looking like a good candidate for an early night.

  On her way out of their large, airy communal kitchen, Geraldine happened to spot her coaching file, gleaming provocatively at her from the kitchen table. She sighed. She was almost certain she’d left it on the coffee table in the living room. She grabbed the small blue post-it note that was attached to the top left-hand corner. It simply read,

  Hey G,

  You’re doing great!

  See page 5

  Hugs, B x

  Chapter 6

  Geraldine wasn’t sure she was really ready for a page five. There was a Toby now! Surely a page five wasn’t what Operation Soulmate needed. Why did there need to be a page five!! A call from Toby was, surely, all that Operation Soulmate needed!!! She quickly turned to the back of her folder to see what Ben had up his sleeve next.

  Soulful Speed Dating

  ♥∞ ♥

  Speed-dating

  With a Difference

  Cosy get-togethers for discerning,

  spiritually-minded, people

  who wish to make

  meaningful, conscious connections...

  Great, thought Geraldine, that’s all I need, a room full of really spiritually-aware guys I won’t fancy. She had no idea why, but despite wanting to find a deep spiritual connection, she always seemed to imagine that guys who shared her interests were just never the kind of guys she’d share any real chemistry with. What was that about? Of course, she couldn’t be sure about all of them, but certainly the ones she’d met so far just seemed so....sensible, intense, serious and, ironically, quite stodgy and 3D in their thinking.

  Geraldine had an infectious laugh, a youthful, unlined face and an almost inexhaustible sense of fun. She was looking for a man who could laugh, at himself, at life and at anything even remotely funny, without adopting the strange attitude that laughter was a gross indulgence in such troubled times: a man who refused to ever give up on the quest of sucking every drop of life out of life, even until he breathed his last breath: a man of courage, a man of action, a fearless love-warrior of a man, whose heart was pinned firmly onto his sleeve, where it could easily brush against hers every now and again, as he reached for her hand to take her to stare at an ocean with him. She tried to picture Toby staring at the ocean for hours. He didn’t really seem the staring-at-the-ocean-for-hours type. But she could definitely see him laughing a lot ...and that was a nice thought.

  Geraldine suddenly remembered her coaching promise, and the fact that she’d also promised herself that she’d trust Ben completely and commit, whole-heartedly to whatever the process demanded. What the heck. Thursday night was a good night for speed-dating. She could see if Brogan was free, and maybe just treat the whole thing as a bit of fun. There was no way Ben was going to let her off the hook, and he was probably right. So she decided to go along with his ‘more is more’ dating theories for the time being...unless, of course, Toby called before Thursday, in which case, she’d just have to put her foot down and refuse to go.

  By the time she heard Ben’s key turning in the lock, she was drifting off to sleep. She thought she could hear a woman’s voice ...and giggling. Ben had company. Good for him. She glanced at the clock, briefly, before snuggling into her pillow and asking the Angels to watch over her and bring peace to the Earth, and to the hearts of the sick, loveless and lonely. It was just coming up to ten, the perfect early-night time. She’d probably feel great in the morning, after luxuriating endlessly in the evening’s imminent sleep.

  At eleven-fifteen she glanced over at the clock again and realised that she’d spent over an hour trying to catch snippets of Ben’s conversation with the mystery woman. She didn’t recognise the voice, and she knew most of Ben’s female friends. Good for him!

  Lovely Ben, he so deserved to be happy. At one point, she thought she'd heard her name being whispered, but common sense told her that from the general tone of the conversation, they probably had far more important things to be discussing. Finally, at twelve twenty-three, she heard more restrained giggling and sound of the front door closing, followed by the clinking of glasses in the sink and, finally, Ben’s tooth-brushing noises and the closing of his bedroom door. She sighed and wondered whether maybe Ben might need her help.

  In the morning though, he was looking as cheerful as ever. “Morning,” he said, when she entered the kitchen.

  “Morning,” she said, as she wondered in, in pyjamas. It was a writing day, and Geraldine loved writing days; they were so peaceful. Just a couple of pieces to write: one for her regular column, and a feature for a new publication, then lots of lovely time left for working on her book on psychic development.

  “Sleep well?” He asked, curious about her early disappearance the night before.

  “Hmm, lovely,” she said, making a point of not mentioning the mystery woman from the night before. “Just sooo needed an early night. How about you? Thought I heard voices. What did you get up to last night?” There it was; She just couldn’t help herself.

  “Oh, just went out for dinner with a friend, came back for a quick drink afterwards.” Ben was being disappointingly vague.

  “Oh. Okay....” she said, peering at him, as he handed her a cup of freshly-brewed coffee. He smiled.

  “Just a friend, a colleague actually, a fellow coach...” He said, reaching for the wall calendar and scribbling something onto it.

  “Ugh! So why are you being so.....I don’t know, so weird about it?”

  “What do you mean weird?”

  “I don’t know, just all ...secretive...” she said, gesticulating half-heartedly.

  “I’m not being secretive; there’s just nothing else to say about it ...just yet.” He added, briefly turning around to face her and raising his eyebrows, slightly before returning to the calendar.

  “Ooooh, this sounds interesting.”

  “No, it’s not interesting.”

  “I’m interested!!”

  Ben stopped scribbling for a second and looked straight into her eyes. “Are you?” He said playfully.

  “Oh, Ben, stop being so ridiculous.” She said, but for some reason, her heart leapt irrationally for just a second. She chose to ignore it. He was just so hard to figure out sometimes. “Look, if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine, I’m off to make a start on my pieces.”

  Ben sighed. “Okay, we met up after karate, had dinner, came back here for a drink. I'm sure you know the rest.. Oh yeah, that reminds me,” he said, deftly changing the subject. “Are you okay for Thursday night?”

  Geraldine sighed, “Yes, I’m okay for Thursday night. I have to be, don’t I; it’s in my contract...” Ben winked at her, and smiled his twinkly smile, happy to have the attention taken away from the subject of his own love-life, once again.

  “Gerry,” He said, pouring himself a second cup of coffee, “I’m sensing a distinct lack of enthusiasm here. What’s up Hon?”

  “Oh, nothing...” Geraldine checked her phone again for missed calls and pouted sullenly. Then quickly decided that there was probably no point whatsoever in being vague with her own love coach. “Okay, Toby still hasn’t called.”

  “Huh? Who’s Toby?” said Ben, rolling his sleeves up and buttering some toast.

  “Toby, the guy from the seminar!!!?!?”

  “Oh, great!” He said without irony. “He’s thinking it through. So while he’s thinking, let’s get back out there again.” He added, rubbing his hands together, briskly. Geraldine stared back at him, blankly. Why was it was so easy for him to just dole out such glib advice in this blunt and detached way? Did he ever really think about what he was saying? He was such an odd combination.
So emotionally distant sometimes, and, yet, at the same time, he was so kind, thoughtful and sweet. There were times when it was almost impossible for Geraldine to even reconcile these two very contrasting sides of his personality. They just didn't sit well together.

  “Ben I really, really want him to call, I really liked him.”

  “Look Gerry, and I’m going to have to get tough with you now.” He said, resting his toast and coffee on the table and rolling his sleeves even further up his arms. Geraldine was momentarily distracted by the healthy covering of thick, dark hair as it contrasted with his crisp, white shirt and pale skin. There was something striking about it. Not attractive per se, but definitely striking. She quickly shook herself to attention and brought her focus back onto the topic at hand. “You don’t know anything about this guy. It’s too soon for you to get all ...involved and invested like this. Is he going to call, when is he going to call, why hasn’t he called yet, should I call him, maybe he lost my number, maybe he was kidnapped by Martians....just forget about him! Until he calls you, he no longer exists.”

  “Oh my God, that is so cold! How can you say that? You saw him. You liked him. You said he was a good guy. You gave him the thumbs up...remember...?”

  “I said he was a potentially, good guy. It’s just potential at the moment. He's no one until he fulfils that potential. Step back, detach, keep looking, that’s all I’m saying.”

  “But Ben, I just know he could be the one. I can feel it.”

  “Okay.” Said Ben, patiently, “I hear you. Can I just ask you a few questions, though, just to get a bit more clarity on this? Just humour me...” Geraldine thought about it for a minute.

  “As a coach or as a guy?”

  “As a coach.”

  “Oh...okay,” She said, sitting up to attention.

  “Hmm, interesting,”

  “What?”

  “You trust me as a coach but not as a guy....”

  Geraldine thought for a second. “No!!!!” she said, “I do trust you as a guy, I mean as a friend-guy... implicitly, but I respect your opinions and your methods as a coach. As a guy, I think you’re as clueless as I am sometimes. But when you slip into coaching mode, it’s as if something else takes over...something, I don’t know ...wiser. It’s like you’re channelling or something... And I suppose I trust that more... That’s all...” Ben looked slightly hurt for a second, but recovered quickly.

  “Okay, so, I’m going to pretend you never said that and just move on.... in ...coaching mode, avoiding at all costs, my baser and clearly more flawed perceptions as a mere human being.”

  “Yeah, okay whatever. Moving swiftly along...!” Ben rolled his eyes in a show of exasperation for a second, before sighing and slumping his shoulders in mock-defeat.” They both started giggling.

  “Okay, so when you gave him your number, did you think to yourself, this is it!! This is the one?”

  “Well, no...not exactly, but I don’t think I necessarily will think that straight away, will I?”

  “I don’t know; it’s your process...your story.” Geraldine cringed slightly. Ugh! That word again. “Okay, when you thought about him yesterday, did you get all ...excited at the thought of him calling you?”

  “Yes, of course...very!! I’m not sure what you’re getting at here.”

  “Okay, just stay with it, that’s good. Excitement is good. But is he beginning to seem more attractive, more exciting and even more like he’s the one, with each hour that passes without a call from him?”

  “Oh my God, yes!!!”

  “And yet, absolutely nothing has changed. Except that your affection for him has doubled.”

  “Well, yes, I suppose so.”

  “Okay, last question. Apart from not calling you, has he done anything at all to earn this deepening of your affections...?”

  “No. No, he hasn’t, has he? Wow!”

  “And what do you remember about him? What was it that you found so appealing?”

  “Well, he had nice eyes, a lovely smile and he seemed to have a really nice energy and to be a really good person with similar values.”

  “Okay, all good, all positive things. I can understand you learning to love him for those things, when you’ve spent a lot of time really getting to know him, and figuring out if those things are for real. You know... when he’s earned your trust and proven that he really is who you believe him to be. The person he appears to be in a ten minute seminar coffee-break!!

  But so far, you’ve spent a lot more time away from him, wanting him to call, than the time you've actually spent with him. And yet, you've almost convinced yourself you're in love with the guy! So what you’re actually saying is that the most attractive thing about him right now ...is his unavailability to you? Once again - and this isn’t a criticism in any way - you’re falling in love with an idea and not a real person. You’re simply intoxicated by the myth of Toby... and the thrill of the unattainable.”

  Geraldine was stunned. “Oh God Ben...there’s just no hope for me, is there?” she said, slumping into a chair with her coffee. Ben smiled sympathetically, and handed her a bowl of coconut yoghurt with fruit, organic oats, nuts and a splash of agave nectar.

  “Let’s just go along on Thursday. See how it feels to have lots of choice and just ...keep your options open for a while. He’ll call you when you least expect him to. When you let go of the idea and start seeing the person. Okay, what does he do? Remind me..”

  “He’s a head-teacher,” she said quickly, still slightly dazzled by Ben's laser-like insight.

  “Okay, so he’s overworked, overtired, underappreciated and wondering how he’s ever going to fit a relationship into his crazy schedule. The weekend was relaxed and fun by comparison , and the long Summer holiday had him thinking maybe he could do it. Monday morning comes around. First week of the Autumn term and he comes crashing back into the real world, a world that's exploding with inset days, upset days, staff covers to arrange - due to a sudden late Summer flu epidemic - parents' complaints about too much homework last term, or not enough homework last term, challenging kids readjusting to the school vibe after six weeks of X Box and cola, hundreds of kids to organise. Who are they all? Where did they all come from - all these new faces? Staff meetings, governors meetings, the PTA! It just never ends. Monday night he probably gets to bed around midnight, no sleep, no support, no one to kiss goodnight, no time or energy to even arrange a date.... It’s just one more thing to think about. His life rolls on and on in a loop. In his mind, tomorrow isn’t even Tuesday, its still Monday, his whole life is just one, long, Monday. He doesn’t want a date, he wants an instant wife, a woman who’s very low maintenance, not too demanding, someone who can just fit in around his week nicely. Someone who’s so busy herself, she won’t even mind that she never sees him; she’ll be grateful he’s never around.”

  “I can be that person,” said Geraldine, excitedly. “I am that person.”

  “Friday afternoon is his time to begin to imagine he has a life again. He dreams about doing stuff he’s too tired to do, arranging weekend stuff he’ll bail out on at the last minute, catching up with friends he never sees. Three O’clock, there’s a knock on his office door. The caretaker wants to talk about the graffiti outside the boy’s toilets, the school governors want him to set a date for the next meeting, the special needs co-ordinator thinks she might be having some kind of a breakdown. He collapses back into the loop. It’s still Monday. Sunday is like a pre-Monday. The new week looms large: preparations, evaluations, disgruntled friends and relations, ‘Where have you been; we never see you, come for lunch, no pressure. So Saturday is his day. If you wait till Saturday, I’m ninety-five per cent certain he’ll call. If he calls before, he’s already in love with you.... It’s possible. Guys are funny like that, given the right materials... Anyway, my advice is to put him out of your mind until Saturday. If he calls in the mean time, it’s a huge, bonus.”

  “Wow! Okay, thanks Ben; I feel so much better.” Geraldine c
ould feel the anxiety lifting, as she sat back and sipped her coffee...

  “That’s okay... he will call. I’m really intrigued by something you just said, though.”

  “Uh huh!? What’s that?”

  “Well the description I just gave was a penetrating analysis of someone who didn’t really have much time to be with you, I mean to really be with you. And when I mentioned that he might be looking for someone who’s "so busy herself, she’ll be grateful he’s never around," you got really excited.”

  “So...”

  “So, I’m just wondering what's the fascination guys who can never really be there for you...fully..? That’s all...” He said, nonchalantly throwing a spoon into the sink and marching back towards the office, “Just a thought...” he called back over his shoulder.

  Geraldine huffed, and quickly got up to follow him out. Ben was! By anyone’s standards!!! A truly maddening individual!!!! Yes deeply insightful, but also very, very infuriating!!! And tricky! And as much as she appreciated his help, she was getting tired of constantly being picked apart in this way. It was having a strange effect on the dynamics of their relationship, and surely it just wasn’t healthy for her to be continually reminded of how deeply and irredeemably defective she was.

  “Okay,” She countered, marching into the office, behind him, “First of all, I didn’t say that I was looking for that in a man, I just meant that, if I liked someone who already happened to be that way, I’d probably be okay with it, because I’m so busy all the time. The last thing I want is someone really demanding and needy, constantly hanging around me, stopping me from working...” Even as she said it, Geraldine could feel her conviction floating away.

  “Oh, you mean like you are now?” he said, not missing a beat. “Seems to me that all this time you spend thinking about, talking about, plotting and scheming and dreaming about that idea of an ideal of a relationship, could be just as easily and happily spent in a real relationship, with someone you love and who can love you back. Or is that just... too... scary?” He said, holding both his hands up in a playfully terrified gesture, and smirking exasperatingly. As she looked at him, she could feel a mysterious sensation of rage creeping into her blood and threatening to find its way out through tears. He really knew how to press her buttons.