Operation Soulmate Page 22

  Geraldine felt more ready for this journey than she’d ever been for anything else, ever. She could already almost feel the centuries colliding within her, as a world of Ben and Geraldine slowly drifted through her mind’s orbit. She had to let it happen. She had to ‘go there.’ She had surely, now, been everywhere else, skirting around the issue, skirting around Ben, probably for an eternity. On some deeper level, perhaps she’d always known her journey would eventually lead her to this moment.

  Ben’s love called her compellingly into the trance, and she followed obediently. She found herself standing in the middle of another clearing, this time somewhere in West Africa. She could see that she was surrounded by happy faces, and even though she did her best to join in with the festivities, once again, she was sad inside.

  Cassia’s voice came rippling through the clearing, “What can you see?” she asked gently.

  “I’m watching a ceremony...it’s a wedding. Someone is getting married, and I know it should be me, but I don’t have the courage.”

  “Courage?”

  “Yes, the king wants me for his wife, but I am too afraid to have him, and so he is marrying another woman and I must stand and watch.”

  “That sounds very sad...” Geraldine nodded again, and sighed deeply. She was having trouble containing all that sadness, and could feel a single tear running down her cheek. “Can you tell me your name,” said Cassia.

  “Desta,” said Geraldine, immediately straightening her back, lengthening her neck, and assuming an air of quiet strength, power and dignity, “It means happiness...Isn’t that funny?” Cassia smiled sadly. “My beloved is called Bekele, it means he has come into being. Isn’t it beautiful?”

  “Yes, it is very beautiful... Desta, I wonder...can you tell me a bit more about where you are ...and why you don’t have the courage to be with Bekele?”

  Geraldine, in her new embodiment as Desta, nodded slowly. “We are both dignitaries of the Kush Empire. We are respected for our gifts and our wisdom. It is our custom that the tallest, most handsome and most gifted dignitary should become king and so, my beautiful Bekele was chosen from among those who served the old king, to become his successor. I am a medicine woman. I know all of the plants and all of their powers, I know when to grow them and when to harvest them to catch them at their greatest potency. I heal the sick and make beautiful things happen to the wise and just... the rest I leave alone. I tell the king when the stars will draw him into battle, and when they advise him to retreat. Mostly I tell him that all is peaceful and calm in the world, because this is how I want the world to be. And usually, I am right. There is never any war in our province. I am a good advisor.”

  Cassia smiled and gasped a little. “It sounds like a beautiful life,” she said, “But can you tell me more about why you’re not marrying the man you love?” Confusion flashed across Geraldine’s face for a moment, for a very long time, Desta was silent. Then, finally, she spoke ... “I, I don’t know...Perhaps it is because I love him too much. Too deeply; I fear that kind of love. In the end it can only bring pain. Better to marry a man you like, a simple man with fewer virtues who can satisfy your need for company and make you feel safe in your bed at night. I cannot marry a man I love as much as Bekele. In the end, that love will destroy us both...”

  “I see,” said Cassia. She inhaled deeply and Geraldine did the same, as they both allowed a moment to pass, so that Desta's huge, dignified and deeply unhappy presence could come fully into the room. “Desta, can you look around you and see whether Geraldine would recognise anyone you know... from her lifetime? Is that alright?” Geraldine gasped as she stared into the eyes of the groom and saw Ben, looking confused and rejected, on what should have been the happiest day of his life...Cassia saw that Desta was weeping, again, and decided to press on.

  “Desta, can you tell me about the woman Bekele is marrying?”

  “Yes, she is our friend. We are all good friends. She will make him a good wife. She is funny and knows how to make him laugh when he is sad. It will take away the sting of the pain. I chose her for him. It is our custom. If a woman rejects a man, she must choose him a more suitable bride. So you see, I have chosen both our fates, so that we can both be happy and kept out of danger.”

  “I see,” said Cassia, “And the bride you’ve chosen for Bekele ... is she someone Geraldine would know ...in this lifetime?” Geraldine grinned, as she suddenly found herself looking into Brogan’s mischievous eyes. Cassia could sense that there might be just a little too much of Geraldine’s consciousness coming back into the room. “...Desta, just notice what you've seen, and remember it for later. I'd like you go to the end of this lifetime and tell me how it concludes.”

  She watched carefully, as Desta’s disheartened shoulders slumped forward. “My life has been wasted,” she said melodramatically. “I have married a man I do not love, and now I have lost my gift, because my whole life has been one, big, lie. I should have married Bekele. I should have been with him, and then none of this would have happened...Bekele has walked away from the crown and from our village, because he cannot bear to look upon me anymore, and I am to blame for our loss of a great king. The people are calling me a witch; they say I have bewitched him to make him go away. Now I must be punished; I must die. I must walk into the sea and give my life back to the Ocean god: he who rules the moon, the stars and the waves; he who brought me my gift... because now it is worthless.” Cassia sat listening and waiting for the tears to come, but there were none. Desta delivered her pronouncement as if it was the most natural and fair outcome in the world, and walking into the sea in front of a crowd of angry villagers was something she did every day. There was no self-pity, only remorse. And, once again, another lifetime was concluded with the wrong kind of remorse...“I always knew that my love for Bekele would, one day, kill me and destroy us both... and I was right.”

  Cassia sighed. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. But where had it all started? Nowhere in any of Geraldine’s lifetimes had she seen any proof that she might ever have believed that love could be safe, beautiful and eternal. It almost seemed as if Geraldine had never experienced a life in which any truly empowering, love-affirming conclusions had been drawn, and there was clearly no end to the story of her disillusionment with love. But surely, there had to be a beginning! there was always a beginning, and with enough skill and patience, there was always a way to find it. A way to discover that single, stray twist in the thread: the loose fibre that would allow her to unknot a tangled web of self-defeating thought, without unravelling anyone in the process.

  “Thank you for sharing your story, Desta,” she said, “but I really want you to understand that the only mistake you made in that lifetime was the mistake of not allowing yourself to be happy when you had the chance. Do you understand that?” Desta nodded. “And can you see now that it wasn’t your love for Bekele that destroyed you but the lack of love you showed to yourself, through your unwillingness accept the thing you desired most...his love? Desta accepted what Cassia was saying, and reluctantly drifted into the light. When Cassia felt the peace, slowly descending, she continued, firmly...

  “Geraldine, I’m going to ask you now to leave that lifetime now, and to find yourself just floating around in space for a while, with all of eternity at your fingertips, like an endless library of infinite records, perhaps records of every lifetime you have ever lived and every experience you have ever had. Can you do that?” Geraldine nodded and then suddenly gasped loudly. Cassia knew she had arrived swiftly at the Akashic Records. She marvelled for a second at how easy this work was with someone who was so psychic and was fascinated to hear how the records would look through Geraldine's wide open eyes.

  “What can you see?”

  “Wow! It's like rows and rows of books, all lined up in the sky: books of all different colours shades and sizes, glowing as if they’re made of light. Pink and purple and golden light, and rich, deep blue and green and white and orange...and, oh gosh, such bea
utiful colours, and all carried by angels ...I ... I know this place and I know what it does. I know that if I touch one of these books it will open, and inside there won’t be pages, there’ll be another world, a world I can step into and live in for a while. I used to find myself here all the time when I was little. I just didn’t know what it was. Now I suddenly know....These books are all my stories aren’t they?” She said, almost crying again.

  “Yes, they are," said Cassia.... "I’m so pleased you’ve found them all Geraldine, all of your stories in all of your lifetimes.” Cassia watched carefully, as Geraldine’s face began to light up. So much so, that it almost seemed to emit a strange, golden glow. She allowed her a moment or two to adjust to her new surroundings before continuing. “Now, Geraldine, I want to ask your unconscious mind to find the book that contains the story of where your fear of loving the man who is known as Ben in this lifetime first began. Is that okay?” Geraldine suddenly felt more scared than she had done in a very long time. This was it, that inevitable moment across time and space, the magical key. She knew it, viscerally.

  Cassia could sense her anxiety and see her shoulders rising slightly. “It’s Okay, Geraldine, we can take our time here. There’s no rush; there’s no time here, remember...? Why don’t you just take a few nice, deep breaths ...and listen to my voice as we go deeper and deeper, deeper and deeper, and with the sound of my voice you will feel yourself becoming, perhaps, even more able to go deeper and deeper into a place where you might, just discover that it’s so much easier to just, let go and fall into the awaken-in-dreaming, relaxing your mind, to let go and allow that wiser, older part to wander to the surface and keep wandering and wondering, until it feels ready to speak its simple truth. Wandering into a magical word, perhaps making wishes on a magical-wand-er that mysteriously brings the magical answers, in a flash...that softer place, the wiser, older part, the all-seeing part. Perhaps you might imagine it’s a higher aspect of yourself, the one with the bird’s-eye view, she gets it...because she knows how to receive.... She who understands that only love is real. The one who holds the mysteries, who carries all the secrets, and is willing to share them with you, but actually finds the whole thing just a tiny bit amusing... The mysteries of all the unreal things that sometimes get between Geraldine and love...And as I count down from five to one, deeper and deeper, all the way down, yes, that’s right, aaaaaall the way down ...to the one... With each number, you will find yourself going deeper and deeper, into that place of surrender. Geraldine could feel herself letting go, slowly, inch by inch, with each number, further and further down, until she finally let go completely, simply because she just couldn’t be bothered to fight anymore, or to even attempt to make sense of anything Cassia was saying!

  Chapter 22

  “Can you hear me, Geraldine?” Geraldine nodded lethargically, just once, as Cassia’s voice drifted in through time and space. “Good, now I just want you to allow that story, just, the one, to gently emerge from the deepest part of your mind, the hidden part...”

  She waited a while and watched as Geraldine’s face softened completely and leaned forward slightly as she spoke.

  “Ahhhhhhh, It’s him...the man in my dream, my beautiful, dream man.”

  “Just let go a little bit more, Geraldine. Allow the pictures in...” Geraldine felt herself falling into a new story, as if she was falling down a mineshaft backwards with her eyes closed, yet somehow trusting the process completely. It felt so good and so right, to be pulled backwards through the sky, with angels surrounding her, guiding her. She was just beginning to wonder how on earth it could feel so safe to be falling backwards through a wormhole at warp speed, when Cassia's voice returned to reclaim her from her musings.

  “What are you wearing,” Cassia asked, somehow sensing the importance of the clothing.

  Geraldine straightened her back again, as if to accommodate some new dress-style, status or decoration.

  “I am wearing ceremonial robes and a headdress made of amethyst crystals, to help me find my way back to the world of the spirits. Tonight is the ceremony of the great Goddess, Mother of all the earth. We must light her flame in the temple and give thanks for all beautiful things. I must sing the song of the Goddess to bring her loving presence onto the earth, so that all will continue to live in peace, joy, harmony and love. Then we shall meet, all of the priests and priestesses, and throw rose petals upon the ocean. It is the only time we ever get to see the priests. It only happens at the fullness of every moon. Tonight I shall see my love.”

  “Can you tell me your name?” Said Cassia..

  “My name is P’tah...it means opener. I open the secrets of Heaven, for the eyes and ears of man. I see the spirits of those who have lived before, and speak with those who will never be born. I am one of them. I am one with the Angels. I am their child...their beloved messenger on Earth. They whisper to me, so that I can help those who do not see, to remember Heaven and to live happy and beautiful lives. My beloved is called Ammon...it means he who is hidden. He must always remain hidden, just like the deeper secrets of Heaven, or he will lose his powers. He can read the hearts of men as easily as others would read from a library crystal, but only when the moon is full can he leave the Temple ...to celebrate the Goddess and her bountiful gifts. We are both, a gift from the Angelic ones, to those upon the earth. We walk across all worlds, the seen and the unseen, but we belong to none...only to each other. Yet, we cannot consummate our love otherwise, we will both loose our gifts and become like mortals. This is our first time among them. We do not fully understand their ways...their desires...their density. Sometimes, we are lost without each other’s wise and soothing words to help us navigate our way through the strangeness. But he is a priest and I, a priestess. Therefore, we can only ever love each other from afar. But we feel our connection and know that we are bound together in the starry heavens. And every time there is a celebration at the fullness of the moon, I gaze upon his face and he upon mine as we throw rose petals upon the ocean for the Goddess... and for us, it must be enough.”

  “That seems very sad, P’tah. How long have you carried this love inside you?”

  “For twenty-five moons, and each one is commemorated; carved in stone in the shape of a heart, for my beloved.”

  “That’s beautiful, P’tah,” said Cassia, noticing that since the very beginning, Geraldine had been without love. It seemed to be all she knew. P’tah smiled beatifically. “Can you go forward now, P’tah, to an event in your life that will help Geraldine to understand something she needs to learn? P’tah nodded and began smiling happily.

  “It is beautiful,” she said, “My love comes to me now. We have learnt over many moons, how to send our thoughts to each other, carried out across this beautiful land by sea and air and the ancient mysteries of creation. And for many more moons, we have lain awake each night, sending loving words and symbols, signs and wonders to each other, planning and dreaming and sharing I love yous, like others do, like lovers do. We’ve learned how to meet in our dreams and remember, when we awaken, how we have loved and where we have been. I sing my song each morning with the feel of his kiss still burning in my heart, a kiss I have never known in the flesh.

  But it is no longer enough, and now we have decided to surrender our powers so that we can meet and be joined together in the physical way, and be loving and beloved, upon the Earth, the way that others are joined.” Geraldine gasped as the beautiful man from her dream stepped out from the shadows. “I know it, now.” She said, “I know him. He is my true intended since the dawn of creation, the one who is worth risking everything for. But we come into this physical existence, time after time, only to serve the Angels, so that they can reach mankind and so that Goddess/God can find their hearts again. But now we plan to disregard them all with our longing for each other. I know it is wrong; it is not why we came here, but I cannot stop it. I love him so. Oh his touch, his fragrance. How will they be? For fifty moons now, I have longed for him, and tonight, I will
know him completely, as skin upon my skin, flesh upon my flesh, heart beating wildly upon my beating heart, and hand within my hand. We will be together at last, and then we shall leave this place forever and live as betrothed ones.” Cassia wanted to cry, but she had to remain detached.

  “P’tah, can you tell me if Geraldine would recognise Ammon? Is he someone Geraldine knows in this lifetime?” P’tah struggled to look into the eyes of the man she loved. She seemed to be fighting with some other aspect of Geraldine who was still slightly resistant to the truth.

  “No,” she said stubbornly, “I cannot see that.”

  “Try,” said Cassia, “For Geraldine...”

  “I cannot see him clearly now...”

  “And if you could ...see him clearly, P’tah....what might you see?” P’tah seemed confused and annoyed by the question. There was a long, heavy silence, and then a deep sigh, as Geraldine ran through stacked up lifetimes at lightening speed, searching for something else...something new... but finding the same, sad truth echoed within each one. Finally, when she was, once again, simply too tired to fight, and had run out of other places to be, her heart brought her gently back to herself and her lips began to tremble ominously as she whispered, softly...

  “It’s Ben.”

  “Thank you, P’tah,” said Cassia, then suddenly found herself leaning even further forward, as Geraldine’s expression quickly changed to one of extreme anguish.

  “Everything is ruined.” said P’tah, sobbing helplessly. “We are discovered, and now we cannot get away. Ammon was seen, crossing the Temple path on his way to me, and someone told the High Priest ...and had him followed. Now we will lose our powers and lose each other, and also be punished horribly."

  P’tah was beside herself with grief. Cassia had never seen Geraldine so distraught, but she knew this was important so she allowed the story to continue to unfold...